did i ever tell u guys that in fifth grade my class wrote a play bc we were studying ancient greece? it was called persephone and the (not so hot) heroes. i played demeter. basically, persephone got kidnapped by kronos and i strong armed hades into giving me 3 heroes from the underworld to get her back but they were actually terrible and i forget how she was actually saved but bottom line is that you wish you were my fifth grade class
this wasn’t little either, we used the town hall and we wore togas and shit
me as demeter
some lines (this was a joint effort of a bunch of greek-savvy 10/11 year olds):
athena: ‘im the goddess of wisdom but you don’t notice me telling everyone. i’m too smart for that’
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aphrodite: is zeus chasing some mortal woman again?
athena: no this time he and hera have gone for marriage counselling
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athena: we can ask hades to let them out of the underworld to help
aphrodite: he’ll never agree, he’s such a deadly bore (we made a fucking pun im so angry)
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demeter: hades wont pick up. he’s too busy torturing the dead in tartarus
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hades: i can’t undo the laws of death. just think of the paperwork.
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aphrodite: the humidity is messing up my hair. it’s getting all frizzy
athena: is that all you care about?
aphrodite: no, it’s also messing up my dress
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demeter: it’s so dark, and there aren’t any trees or flowers
hades: what do we need trees for, everybody’s dead
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paris: yeah, and i can shoot straight! isn’t that right, achilles?
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(hades enters)
paris: who are you? do we know you?
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achilles: im mighty achilles
odysseus: im wily odysseus
paris: and im hungry paris
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kronos: i really am awesome, aren’t i
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aeton: one wrong move and you’re history
odysseus: fool! we already are history!
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demeter: where are those mortals? i left them right there.
athena: are you sure? this isnt the first time you’ve lost someone.
I suddenly have the need for the entire screenplay, and to direct it at my college.
